Excerpt
I feel a kiss as soft as butterfly wings against the side of my face.
“I’m right here, dearest.”
“Christopher?”
A gentle hand strokes my hair soothingly.
“Yes, my love.”
The firm mattress dips under someone’s weight and then arms wrap themselves tightly around me.
I know that I’m dreaming.
I don’t want to wake up, but I force my eyes open—better to break the enchantment, than to enjoy it for too long and be devastated on waking.
The heavy drapes which I had left open are now closed.
Night has just fallen and the room’s in darkness, but it’s light enough for me to recognize the familiar face with its solemn grey eyes inches away from mine.
I reach out hesitantly to touch his face, knowing that my hand with touch only thin air.
He smiles as it connects to warm skin.
I should have been shocked, or even a little scared, but it’s what I had hoped for, prayed for.
“Christopher?”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
“This can’t be real!”
“It’s as real as you make it, my love.”
I know I’m dreaming, but it’s the most wondrous dream and I don’t want it to end.
“Please don’t leave me,” I beg, now afraid to close my eyes.
“I’ll be here for as long as you need me,” he promises.
“I want you to stay forever,” I demand fiercely.
“Forever is a long time,” he chides gently. I hear the smile in his voice. “But I promise that I’ll never leave you unless you grow tired of me.”
“I’ll never get tired of you,” I vow. “Kiss me so that I know you’re real. Make love to me.”
He moves his head closer and covers my lips with his.
My first ever kiss!
Then his tongue presses softly against my lips and I open them. His tongue touches mine and I feel an electric tingle run through my body.
I had worried that I won’t know what to do when the time came, but Christopher seems to know enough about kissing for both of us.
His tongue forces itself deeper into my mouth and I marvel at his aggression.
Somehow, I’d thought that he would kiss gently and with no tongue.
Somehow, I’d thought that he would kiss gently and with no tongue.
I feel his hand at my neck and then the zip at the back of my dress slides slowly downwards. He unhooks my bra and then gently urges me onto my back. I lift my arms obediently so that he could free them from the elbow-length sleeves of my thick woollen dress. Warm hands briefly cup my breasts and I realize that my bra has miraculously disappeared with the dress.
“It’s cold in here. Let me undress you fully and get you under the covers.”
I lift my hips and allow him to slip my panties down my legs and off. Then his warm body covers mine and a duvet is tucked into place around us.
He kisses me again as his fingers start to roll my nipples firmly, creating a delicious ache between my thighs. I can’t help myself squirming shamelessly against him as the rolling goes on and on.
How can this feel so familiar?
I know it can’t be.
I had longed for it, even dreamt of it on occasion, but it had never happened.
Christopher breaks the kiss and his lips make their way over my skin, nibbling as they go along until they reach my left nipple.
I gasp as it’s enclosed in a wet, hungry mouth.
The pull of his lips is maddening.
When I feel a touch on my thigh, I immediately open my legs wider needing something to soothe the ache deep inside that his suckling lips are creating.
A long finger slides inside me as a thumb slowly massages my clitoris.
My parents and grandparents had been devout Christians and though I had lost my faith when the tsunami had claimed the live of my parents and siblings, certain Bible teachings had stayed with me. I’d never masturbated or touched any part of my body in a sexual way until Christopher had died and I’d finally thought that life meant to rob me of every bit of joy.
I’ve only touched myself on the outside, though.
Christopher’s finger inside me feels wonderful.
And I feel something building within me.
Feel myself reaching the pinnacle that had stayed just out of my reach when I’d touched myself.
The feeling intensifies and I hold onto Christopher’s broad shoulders, widening the sprawl of my legs, begging him to press deeper.
“Ah! Ah! Yes!”
His finger inside me slowly filling me with pleasure is like a balloon being slowly filled with air. I hover for a moment full to the brim and then I explode.
“Good girl,” Christopher says and holds me tenderly while I float away on a sea of pleasure.
“Did you just make me come?” I whisper against his throat, glad that the room is dark enough to cover my blush.
“Yes.”
“How is that even possible?” I ask incredulously.
It’s a dream, but it feels so wonderfully real.
And why stop now?
“Make love to me,” I plead again.
“I have to confess something first.”
“What?” I demand as he hesitates.
I really didn’t care if he’d murdered someone or done something equally terrible.
That’s no longer important.
Not now.
All I know is that somehow, miraculously, he’s here with me and that’s all that matters.


